The forthcoming existence of an app called "Every Girl Needs Her Gay," which fosters platotic friendships by matching straight women with gay men using dating app-style algorithms, is a real thing that is actually coming to a mobile device near you. But this vaguely messed up story has a happy ish ending.
How gay and straight men became the best of friends
So like, using dating app algorithms to match platonic friends is kind of a cool idea. And anything that puts a woman in charge of choosing her own adventure romantic or otherwise is definitely great. But beyond that, the idea for this app is kind of misguided. As multiple outlets have pointed out, the idea of an app that helps women find "her gays" is super problematic. But fear is a powerful thing, and it convinces you that nobody could possibly know your glaringly obvious secret, and that you should keep it a secret, because once you say it out loud, everything will be different.
What would he do once he knew that I was into dudes? Would all of my obviously gay advances register as too obviously gay to tolerate further? I suppose there was a part of me that saw Kellan as an opportunity to come out without having to actually come out.
Falling in Love With My Gay Best Friend | HuffPost
But coming out is never that easy. The summer before our junior year of college, Kellan got a girlfriend, and I felt like I was being replaced. My obsession deepened to its darkest point, and again, this is embarrassing to admit, but I stooped low and, at one point, surreptitiously borrowed his phone and glanced at his text messages, which seems like a totally normal thing for a best friend to do right?! I had to come out and be gay and find gay people and do gay things and have faith that the consequences that I feared would be overcome by the rewards of my new fabulous life.
So I girded myself for impact. I read books with gay characters to see how they came out. I read It Gets Better because that felt like a thing young closeted gay people were supposed to read. I read articles I found on Google about the best way to come out to each person in your life. And finally, I did it. I wanted my mother to be the first to know, because I knew she would be hurt if I told anybody else something so deeply personal before her.
It was because of the shirtless picture of Nick Lachey I saw in the Us Weekly you left on the kitchen counter. Of course, my mother said she loved me and would always love me and she just wanted me to be happy. And, to top it off , one of the first things she asked me was: A few days after I told him, I wrote a Facebook message to our group of friends to announce my news, and the following is an absolutely real excerpt from that message.
I cringe to re-read this message, not to mention publish it for the world to see, but nothing better illustrates the anxieties of my gay brain than these words. Here is that message, edited only for length:.
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Hey friends, So I have news. Here it is: Yeah, I like dudes. But I never told anybody — not my family or friends or anybody — because I was afraid of what everybody would think. I guess I was most afraid that it would suddenly be the only thing people would see about me. I was afraid I would suddenly become the gay kid in the group.
And, even if you all had absolutely no problem with me, you would still joke about dicks and assholes and rainbows all the time and I would never hear the end of it. Presents are always welcome. And so help me God, if anybody gets me anything phallus shaped, I will not be happy. Well, maybe a little happy. Love Love Love, Matty B. First of all, the most surprising thing in this entire message is that I was so anxious about being seen as gay that I went so far as to deny myself the pleasure of getting phallus-shaped gifts.
See, the thing about coming out is that there is an After Gay, things do change, but you start to love it.
They are deeply entwined in my identity, and I cannot imagine life without them. Simpson could have written a more convincing denial than this. Birds could have picked up the hints I was dropping. I barely made it two hundred words before bringing his ass into it! We get over it, but it hurts like hell while it's happening.
You need to decide whether you're better off taking a time-out from the friendship or not. Can you be around him and absolutely accept the fact that it ain't gonna happen, or will hanging out with him make you continually hope and pine? Do what you need to do. My main advice is to rip the bandaid off, which means absolutely refuse to turn this into a Tragic Love Story.
That's incredibly tempting, because if, in your mind, you're the star of "Unrequited Love," that makes you special. Not special in the way you'd like, but still special. It's also a way to cling to the romance: Resist it. The longer you give into it, the longer the pain will last. Tell yourself that a it's over, and b what you're going through might hurt, but it's boring. It's a humdrum occurrence, and no one gives a shit. Nothing about it makes you special or interesting. Your hobbies, ideas, opinions, and whatnot make you interesting, but not this.
Whenever you find yourself daydreaming about him, tell yourself, "It's over. Throw it in the trash or burn it. It's over. Don't go on and on about him to your friends. If you need to talk, talk about how you're having trouble accepting the fact that it's over. Just keep "it's over Unless you're thinking about something else that has nothing to do with him. I post about art, writing, theatre, relationships, education, science, philosophy, psychology, religion, atheism, computer programming, meditation, and nutrition. You can support me and my theatre company on Patreon. There is literally nothing you can do about it, other than just staying friends with them.
I really liked my straight friend in college, and I still do. He was in my class and we used to hang out all the time. Every time he went on a date, or was flirting with a girl, it made me really sad and unhappy. There was nothing I could do about it. But I tried to stay good friends with him, because I really wanted to and my heart was not strong enough to just let go.
It ruined my grades, and my overall social life.
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All my ambitions, that sort of depended on my having good grades were pretty much shattered, because this crush lasted a long time, and I could not focus on anything worthwhile. Once I got out of college, and started to work, we slowly stopped meeting that often and I felt that the crush was subsided.
He is still one of my closest friends and every time I meet him, a little part of me inside gets excited to see him.
I have never dared to speak anything about my feelings with him. So, the only thing I will suggest is to try to not be around him all the time, and just maintain a cordial relationship with him. Get a hobby, and keep yourself busy with work. This will help you to slowly forget your feelings, albeit its very hard. Probably a tldr; but hey, you asked for it!
I wish you the best of luck. I had an experience with that, and for me you should decide on what your going to do with your feelings:. Based on my experience, i chosed no. And still right now, i just pretend that we are okay, and im okay with her being with him. Maybe i will move on, eventually, i need to enjoy Life, im just 15, and just about to take I. Sign In. I'm in love with my best friend.
I Fell In Love With My Straight Best Friend And It Was A Terrible Idea
I'm gay; he's straight. What should I do? Update Cancel. Answer Wiki. Answered Jun 15, Perhaps most poignant to me was one time we were running after school together. We were doing this for a few weeks because he wanted to help me get in shape which was motivated by me. One day before we started, he asked me if he could invite his girlfriend to come running with us.
I told him no, which obviously shocked him. My explanation at the time was that I always felt like a third wheel when I was with them, but it was really because I was tired of subjecting myself to seeing them together when I wanted to be with him. Another instance was the almost complete destruction of my friendship with Olivia and her boyfriend and the end of my friendship with Iilese.
Iilese was, as I said, quite vocal in her opinions. She expressed often her displeasure that I was still friends with Charlie, and Olivia shared those same ideas. There was an incident that occurred that caused me to be angry at him, and to me, this was the final straw.