Hiring a sex worker is one option. They can find responsible sex workers on the TLC-Trust website which was created in by myself and a disabled man, James Palmer, who was sad about being a virgin in his mid 40s. The hundred or so sex workers who have profiles on the site say they each see about eight disabled clients a month.
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One told me she recently saw a year-old whose father had called after both parents had sought her out. It was their son's birthday and he was a virgin. The father brought him down. She bought a birthday cake and a present. Another of her clients was a virgin too, and wasn't going to live much longer. His mother contacted her. Now she sees him once every six weeks.
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It's been a year. The mother drives the sex worker back to the train station, and says her son is much happier all round since having her visit. The sex worker says she is used to being introduced to clients with disabilities through a parent, usually a mother rather than a father, and has never been asked to work with someone's daughter. If a disabled person loses their virginity with a sex worker in a way that teaches them about their body and how to please a partner, it can set them up to become a confident, knowledgeable and sexually skilled individual who can proceed to finding a partner.
However, if they have a progressive condition, their life can feel too full of disappointment and loss to try to find a partner and they may prefer to stay seeing sex workers, with whom a good outcome is guaranteed.
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As for disabled women, many tell me they would love to pay somebody who knows what they are doing, who helps them learn what their bodies are capable of enjoying, but most never try. They may be nervous that the man they are paying is not entirely professional and they may not think enough of themselves to treat themselves to the luxury of pleasure. That, I hope is changing.
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