Gay dating struggles

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Gay men are battling a demon more powerful than HIV – and it’s hidden | Owen Jones

Blog Blog. Blog authors. Podcast Podcast. Gay and lesbian discrimination Share show more. Listen show more. More show more. Sexual health Sexual health - Sexuality and sexual identity Young people Young people - Sex and sexuality. The problem does not lie with GLBTI individuals, but with the attitudes and behaviour of the society around them. Research suggests that gay men and lesbians have reduced access to medical care because of their fear of discrimination. The constant pressure of dealing with the homophobia of others makes depression, among other mental health problems, relatively common.

While gay and lesbian people are as diverse as the rest of the population, their shared experience of discrimination creates common health issues. Australian society generally regards heterosexuality as the most acceptable sexual orientation, which means that gay men, lesbians and bisexual people may be marginalised and discriminated against.

Transgender and intersex people may also experience marginalisation and discrimination in relation to their health and wellbeing. The previous term for intersex was hermaphrodite. Sexuality and violence A study of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender GLBT Victorians found that nearly one in seven reported living in fear of homophobic violence.

This fear was justified in that nearly 85 per cent of respondents had been subjected to some form of homophobic violence or harassment in their lifetimes and one in two had experienced homophobic harassment or other non-physical abuse in the past two years. In eighty-five per cent of cases, violence and harassment were preceded or accompanied by homophobic language.

Sexual assault was also common, with nearly 5 per cent having been subjected to this form of violence over the last two years. Among same sex attracted young people, violence and discrimination were also common. A study of young Australians found that 61 per cent had suffered verbal abuse because of their sexuality, 18 per cent suffered physical assault and 69 per cent suffered other forms of homophobia such as exclusion rumours and graffiti.

Homophobia and heterosexism Homophobia means fear of homosexuality. Some people may feel threatened by people who have sexual preferences other than their own. They may express this fear in a variety of ways ranging from subtle discrimination to overt violence.


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Heterosexism is the belief that everyone is, or should be, heterosexual and that other forms of sexuality are unacceptable. This belief may underpin a range of areas — for example, health policy, health services, welfare and education services — and can make gay and lesbian people feel invisible.

The struggle of being gay and accepting it.

This can have a range of impacts. For example, it may mean that the form you fill in at a medical service may have no place to record that your nominated next of kin is a same sex partner. If you are a young gay person, you may not be permitted to take a same sex partner to the school formal. Health impacts for gay men and lesbians While many things have improved for gay and lesbian people over the past 50 years in Australia, there is still constant uncertainty about whether they will receive acceptance from families, friends, colleagues and services.

The constant pressure of dealing with this uncertainty has an impact on health. Gay men and lesbians have higher rates of mental health disorders than the rest of the population. They also have higher rates of obesity, smoking and unsafe alcohol and drug use, and are more likely to self-harm. These conditions develop in response to different scenarios including: Gay men, lesbians and health professionals Research suggests that gay men and lesbians have reduced access to medical care compared to heterosexuals.

Some of the issues they face include: The majority of gay men and lesbians have had experience of homophobic health professionals. This may make them less inclined to seek medical help, or they may wait longer before they seek help. Health professionals, particularly in rural areas, may be inadequately informed about gay and lesbian health issues. Gay men and lesbians may be reluctant to have their sexuality recorded in their histories due to the fear that others may gain access to their records. Reduced access to services leads to reduced levels of screening in gay and lesbian populations.

Not Just Husbands

This is likely to account for the higher levels of some cancers in these groups. Gay and lesbian people do not need special medical treatment, but they do need treatment that is fair and appropriate. Equity and legal rights for gay men and lesbians Part of the reason gay and lesbian people experience marginalisation is that federal, state and territory laws do not offer gay and lesbian people uniform protection against all forms of discrimination. Prior to these changes, Victorian laws governing such factors as property rights and stamp duty were applicable only to heterosexual couples.

In , the Federal government went further and changed 58 laws that discriminated against gay and lesbian people and their families. Victorian gay and lesbian reforms Legal recognition and protection of rights is a powerful step towards improving the health and wellbeing of gay and lesbian people. In , Victoria was the first state in Australia to establish a Ministerial Advisory Committee on gay and lesbian health.

My Spouse Struggles with Homosexuality

The Victorian government has also been proactive in fighting homophobia in schools by establishing the Safe School Coalition of Victoria. They can be accessed on the Gay and Lesbian Health Victoria website. Gay and Lesbian Health Victoria was established in and is funded by the government to provide training for health care providers, produce health resources and maintain a clearinghouse of health information for gay and lesbian people. Where to get help Switchboard Gay and Lesbian Tel.

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    Sexuality and sexual identity Bisexuality Bisexuality is when a person finds men and women physically, sexually or emotionally attractive Gay and lesbian discrimination Gay people may still feel constant uncertainty about whether they will be accepted, and the pressure of this uncertainty affects their health So the stereotype of the gay man always on the prowl, looking for hookups, with no interest in anything more, is simply not true.

    Are you listening, Patti Stanger? The truth is, most gay men want to feel a connection. Which brings me to another situation I encounter fairly often: I currently have two clients with this struggle. They are both in their upper 40s and they both love guys in their 20s. Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough.

    From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason. Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster.

    While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone. Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have.

    Self-loathing among gay people is nothing new. We’re overwhelmed by it

    We need to stop perpetuating the idea that all the good ones are either taken, straight, or live far away. The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex. We need to stop using every excuse in the book, and start working on ourselves because we aren't perfect either. We need to stop looking past the amazing men that are right in front of our faces, and start understanding that the sex part of a relationship will evolve.

    In the end, we'll ultimately be looking for a best friend, a companion to build a full life with, and maybe one day move away from all the craziness with. If we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom our souls connect in an effortless way, we need to water that relationship because it is rare. Gay dating is really hard, but nothing worth having comes easy, so lead with love and positivity, and more than anything just be open to what could be.

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    Barrett Pall. Dating is difficult in general, but gay dating is even harder. Sex is easy. We say we want one thing, but really want another. We have very deep scars.

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    We go through a second adolescence. We have unrealistic expectations. Timing is everything. Every where we turn, it almost feels like we have everything telling us not to commit.